Tag: love

“I ain’t ‘fraid of no ghost!”

I took the video showcased below; to display a wee bit of the odd behaviours that Mr. Whiskey and Princess Coco are showing. Now, everyone who knows me well, is aware of my being non-religious; that being said, I am spiritual.

So…I have explained this odd behaviour of Mr. Whiskey’s to James; he simply allows it to be heard, yet Jamie does not “get” what I am saying. Mr. Whiskey often behaves like this, but not too often for me to worry. He typically does it during the day; while James is at work, and I am doing my housework.

Most times, I am in the kitchen or laundry room when Mr. Whiskey acts like this. “This” refers to Whiskey following me around (more so than normally); it’s as if he is trying to make certain that I am safe. He stays RIGHT AGAINST ME (no exaggeration).

He will not let me stray from his field of vision; also, he is more vocal during these times. It is as if Whiskey is trying to tell me something. He looks at me, and he barks until I go see whatever / wherever something that isn’t “right” is. I comply with his wishes; but, never good enough for his satisfaction, for he refused to halt his erratic behaviour.  Also, his barking is a little different in tone than it is other times.

I will follow him to the adjacent room, where Whiskey will look at me with a “MOM…do you not see that/hear that?” It is as if he is trying to make me aware of something. I’ve come to the conclusion, that Mr. Whiskey is seeing/hearing something–more aptly, SOMEONE. So, I’ve talked to who I KNOW it to be for several months, now.

She has yet to respond to me in a way that I will recognize easily. I often say to her, “Hello, Dot (Jamie’s mother who passed away in 2003)….” as I explain what is that I am doing. I will explain that I love her home, and do not wish to make any differences that will cause her to feel as if I am “taking over” and “trying to make Jamie forget her.”

When I spoke to HUD about this several weeks ago; I also shared with him the occurrence that caused me to believe it is Dot. I was cleaning out the bottom of the pantry in our kitchen; of course, sitting on the kitchen tile as I was doing such. Mr. Whiskey, of course, was nearby. He began walking and sitting closer to me, as I was sitting in the floor.

Whiskey started quietly barking/growling in the direction of where the main entrance into the kitchen is. I did not think anything of it; assuming that he had heard something outdoors. The barking became more frequent and louder; along with the growling being more intense. Of course, I was a little frightened…but, I continued to do what I had started, and try to get our pantry cleaned out.

Then, Whiskey started getting far more serious with his barking. He had his gaze LOCKED in the direction of the main entryway to the kitchen. He began sidling up against me (as if he were protecting me), and kept lowly growling and barking loudly. Having done this a few times prior; I quickly recognized that it was not anything negative at which Whiskey was barking, but he did not understand it.

I softly explained to Whiskey that it was “okay” and that who he was barking at is Jamie’s mom, Dot. I explained that she was probably wanting to make sure t I was not doing anything wrong or that she was not comfortable with; after all, we were in HER kitchen. I told Mr. Whiskey that she had every right to be here, and she was not going to hurt him. I even said a few things to her aloud. I thanked her for allowing me to use her kitchen and call it my own. I told her how grateful I was for all of her kitchen tools/gadgets. This is when Whiskey started to accept the presence that he sensed–after I spoke, and wasn’t afraid of it.

When I told him; James seemed to believe me; but I think it was more because he was afraid of being shamed into thinking I am silly. I asked James if he ever felt his Mom; and he strongly denied it. However, I have felt her…and I had not ever met her before she passed. But, a woman can sense when another woman is in her home; making changes to it.

I’m not sure when that was whhen I felt her so strongly…but, I believe that she visited again, earlier today. It was brief…but, Whiskey is still refusing to leave my lap. It has been well over one hour…

I’ve taken video of how Mr. Whiskey behaved and in this clip The Princess is acting out of sorts, too…

The sincerest compliment

HUD walked into the kitchen, where I am putting together a MARVEL comics puzzle to hang in our MARVEL comics themed bedroom. HUD walked over to me, sitting in a chair…he hugged me for a long while. When he pulled away, he looked at me, and said: “Has anyone told you how perfect you are today?”

“Of course,” I sarcastically responded, “yeah (pointing to my face that is covered with zit cream), ‘PERFECT,’ with all of this covering my face.” HUD got up to continue watching the football game. As he was walking into the den; he then shared with me, “It’s your imperfections that make you perfect.” He continued walking into the living room as if he had not said the most beautiful thing to me…especially because I have OBVIOUS imperfections and one about which I worry (my slight speech impediment).

Of course, I followed him…and told him how sweet that was for him to say. He said he meant it. HUD also claimed to have loved me all of his life. I reminded him of his being 4 years my senior. He retorted with something akin to ‘I knew that you were going to be born…someone perfect for me. When you were born; I knew I loved you…especially after meeting you.” I said, “Yeah, and my pushing you away for almost 15 years.” (sic)

“Dreaming With My Eyes Wide Open”

I rarely remember my dreams; although I once was able to recall at least one the next morning. I could remember with lucidity the one or two that garnered the most feelings—I would recollect the smells, details about the sights, and more importantly how I would feel in the delusion.

This morning; I awoke suddenly, reaching for Hud. Also, we allowed our pups to sleep in the bed with us the night before—so, I pulled them closer to me (their presence is a ‘calming mechanism’ for me; as Hud shared with my neuro-psychologist). I asked Hud to come closer and hold me.

The somewhat disturbing dream, was about our little family living in a house in which my good friend, Stephe-O, resided when we were in high school. The house is a couple of miles down the road from the home I share with Hud.
In said dream, apparently a large storm had occurred, because I was standing in the area where the house had stood.

There was a crowd of people also gathered there. I walked up, confused to what had happened to “our house.” I alarmingly/inquisitively asked aloud to whoever would answer, as to where the house was. The reply I got was from a man, whom I failed to recognize, but was positive that he was someone I knew. His response was a shocking one, because he matter-of-factly said: “Yeah, it (I inferred that ‘it’ was a tornado) got your house, too.”

I looked at my unknown friend with bewilderment, for I did not understand what he meant by “too;” I responded with a look of supreme confusion. This is when he informed me that it had taken me, as well. He said, “You passed, dont’cha know?”
I looked at him with a shocked look of sheer surprise. The first thing I said to him was, “Oh, no…I didn’t know. *gasp* I wonder what is going to happen to ‘Hud!’…my confusion continued, as I proclaimed, “I wonder if we ever got married!”
Then, I awoke.

As I previously stated, I immediately began searching for my pups. Mr. Whiskey, of course, was cuddled up next to my tummy, and laying in the crook of my legs, because I was sleeping in a near fetal position. Princess Coco was lying with Hud, as he was facing me, and I was lying facing the wall—with my back to him. After requesting that the Princess lay with me; I pulled Mr. Whiskey closer to my chest, and held them both there. I also asked Hud to hold me, and said that I had a bad dream.
I was a bit disturbed by the dream; prior to this one, I had never had a dream about my being dead. I shared this with my partner in life; he was not-at-all-freaked out by my strange dream. I then tried (unsuccessfully) to go back to sleep. I could not get the thoughts out of my head…I was trying to remember what it means when you dream that you are dead…I could not recall for the life of me (pun intended). I regretfully got out of bed, visited the bathroom, and then let the baby’s go outside to do their business. I made myself a cup of coffee, and we all went to sit outside on the front porch with Hud.

I was still shocked by my dream, and I shared more details with Hud about it as we sat outside and held the dogs. I told him how I was relieved that the pups were in the bed with us that morning because the dream was very uncomfortable. I told him that the thought of death fascinated me…but not in a morbid way. I said that this dream is the first time I’ve EVER thought of the man I was dating before I considered my own mother. Normally, I would have worried about how my Mom took that news of my death and not even considered the man I was currently dating/engaged to be married.

The dream about my death could have been brought on by the fact that I had re-posted a photo on my Facebook Timeline that said something about wanting someone to play “pop goes the weasel” at a closed casket funeral…and have the people in attendance stand-by in horrified anticipation. I had commented to the friend that I shared the post from, something about the idea of death always fascinated me, but not in a creepy, or morbid way.

Secondly, I recall thinking about my friend, Stephe-O and how he once lived in the home I had dreamed about. Hud and I had again been discussing our getting married to one another earlier the same evening. The dream was rather disturbing…mostly because I was left to wonder if Hud and I ever married one another prior to my death.
I looked up what on several websites what it really means when you have a dream and you are dead…below are the results:
• indicates a transitional phase in your life
• you are becoming more enlightened or spiritual
• it can symbolize that something has died within the self, or it can symbolize a new chapter or a new beginning in your life.
• it might also be a dream telling you to leave all of your cares behind, and start anew.

Although I have been in numerous transitional phases in my life, especially recently—I’ve moved 1000 miles away from home, I was engaged to be married, my close relationship with my Mom was estranged for several years; I have also lived 2 hours away from my family, in a confusing situation. But these times (along with a few others), I never once had a dream about my death.

The possibilities above are ones that make sense to me, the final one listed more so than others. Hud does not believe in meanings to dreams. However, I do believe that the dreams, in which you remember, DO mean something. It is your subconscious feelings that you are being instructed to pay attention. 

The fact that I thought of Hud’s emotional state about my death and not my Mom’s (which I ALWAYS consider her feelings first), allows me to understand that this relationship is a true partnership and one that is highlighted with both of us feeling admiration and love for the other. Hud has shown me what REAL (non-familial) love is…

I believe that last night/this morning’s dream stuck out so vividly because of the thoughts and events that I had had the same night; along with the now very common discussion of our marriage that I had with Hud. It helps to write things down, especially when I am able to recall a dream…and with such lucidity.

Then, she met Emilio.

She was not at all your “typical American, Southern woman.” After all, she did not believe that her own life was dependent on that of a man being involved. Contrary to everything she had ever believed, after falling in love with Emilio, her life became one that was better suited to have a mate.

No, Emily had always been the type to behave as if she loathed the possibility of being “chained” to a man; secretly, it is something she had always desired. Commitment did not frighten her, she was a loyal person; she was never afraid that she may feel that a wedding ring was becoming a little too tight.

Emily wasn’t ever able to put her trust in another person. Well, her complete trust, anyway. She was so scared of love…trusting that there wasn’t a man who believed in that word the way she did. A man who never took it lightly or said it just because a situation was far too quiet; maybe he said that (awful) 4-letter word because he was wanting a physical relationship. If anything, that word being uttered to Emily always repulsed as opposed to attracted her.

Of course, no one knew this for she was very skilled at keeping her innermost thoughts hidden. She was always “the hard one.” Anyone who knew her well, understood that she was a difficult person. Those who knew her well, understood that if she ever showed you her feelings, or especially if she told you that she loved you…it was going to be forever. Emily was well-known for keeping her feelings guarded and never allowing herself to the possibility of being hurt; especially again.

Continue reading “Then, she met Emilio.” →

I knew you were trouble…

Insanity is defined as “doing the same thing over again and expecting different results.” By that definition, I am insane. That has been asserted many different times (mostly by males that I’ve dated).

………………

You say I’m acting crazy;

yes, I agree.

I understand why my actions have made you lazy.

 

Your inner and outer beauty;

along with your sincerity,

couldn’t explain why I’ve been so moody.

 

It is no wonder that you are questioning my sanity;

I have been so unpredictable.

I hate to admit this due to vanity.

 

I flipped on you.

I went from being someone for whom you were quickly falling;

To becoming the one to which you wished to bid adieu.