Grunting means, “I AM TRYING TO TELL YOU…”

Grunting means, “I AM TRYING TO TELL YOU…”

I am paying for what I’ve always found to be dumb/ridiculously stupid; I have been awake for over an hour…because our DOG, Mr. Whiskey, refused to lie down and go to sleep after I put both pups in bed–the babies (main) [orthopedic] puppy bed that their Grammy (my Mom) purchased for them stays indoors, and in the corner of our dining area/kitchen. This is where they sleep at night.

While in our bedroom on the opposite side of our ūüŹ°, I continued to hear little nails hit the kitchen floor as I was trying to get to sleep. I listened for a while, and tried to convince myself that one of the pups was simply getting up to get water (several different times).


Then the sound was becoming increasingly close to our bedroom, and I heard groans directly outside our door. That was “not possible”, I thought. But, I begrudgingly got out of bed, and when I opened the bedroom door, there sat Mr. Whiskey! When I had put the pups to bed about 20-30 minutes prior, I placed the baby gate at the main entrance/exit of the kitchen, so they could not wander into the main areas of the house; the fact that he got out irritated me.

After opening our bedroom door, and seeing Whiskey sitting there, looking up at me; calmly, I said, “Whiskey, baby, what are you doing out of the puppy bed?” I then picked him up, nuzzled him, and walked to the entrance I mentioned.

Princess Coco was sitting there, investigating just how he got out…so that she, too, could escape; of that, I’m certain. As soon as the Princess spotted me; she began her descent back toward the puppy bed. With Whiskey in tow, I, too, started my trek to the puppy bed. Princess Coco was back in her spot on the bed, as I was putting Whiskey down onto it. 


Coco lay her sweet head on the raised edge, while Whiskey merely squat down, still looking at me with what I saw as pleading eyes. I said aloud, “Babies, you can’t sleep in the Mommy Bed tonight, Daddy has to wake early for work.” I comforted them for several minutes before returning to the bedroom.

I used the flashlight on my iPhone in order to find my way back to our bed. I had not been lying down for even an entire minute, before I heard the nails on the floor again. I knew he could not “escape” this time, so I was prepared to see Whiskey sitting at the gate when I made my way to the kitchen. 

When I walked closer to the gate, Mr. Whiskey had his ears laid back onto his head, and he was slowly trotting to the bed. It was as if he knew he was supposed to be in the puppy bed. I looked in and saw Coco with her head propped, and Whiskey was moving blankets where he could lie down with her. 


I said aloud, “Coco’s a good girl.” With more authority, I said to Whiskey, “Whiskey, baby, stay in the puppy bed…it’s okay.” I thought that perhaps he heard the cats outside the window, and he was frightened.

As I walked back toward our bedroom this time, I halted in the middle of the hallway for a few minutes. When I ascertained that Whiskey was not going to get out of bed this time, I trekked back to our bedroom. 

Right as I was about to lay down beside my love, I heard nails hit the floor…and several moments later, the sound became closer. I was already grabbing my pillow, and my phone, when James began stirring, and moaning…I told him that something was bothering Whiskey, and that I was going to sleep in Mom’s room (the extra bedroom) with the babies. I kissed James, and started BACK towards the kitchen; making this the third time in 20 minutes.

Not surprisingly, Whiskey was seated at the gate as I approached. Coco quickly joined him upon my entering the kitchen. I said, “Come on, babies, lets go sleep in the Grammy Bed.” With that, their tails began thumping against the floor, and I didn’t have time to push the gate all the way out of the way, before they were in the extra bedroom, and sitting on the “Grammy Bed.”


As I was going to turn off the kitchen lights…a foul odor reached my nostrils. As I walked to the laundry room, where the “potty pad” is; I saw it. My poor baby’s tummy was upset, and that is why he kept wanting attention! Closing the door to “Grammy’s room,” I cleaned up the mess my poor baby had not wanted to make indoors.

Now, we are all 3 in the extra bedroom, lying on the “Grammy Bed.” I feel horrible, because I didn’t think about his possibly trying to tell me that he needed to go outside (again). My Mom would have immediately asked him if he needed to go potty…I’m not sure why I failed to do that!

As I said at the start of this, I am paying for what I have always found to be dumb/stupid. I’m allowing DOGS to play a role in my life that a (human) child would. I feel so silly for always saying to folks who treat their dogs as family; “IT’S JUST A DOG!” 


These two 4-legged, furry, children of mine; haven’t ever been, nor will they ever be considered “JUST A DOG!” I don’t know what I would do without their pure love…and loyalty. I’m one of the people I once mocked. Whiskey nor Coco will ever be “just dog’s.” They truly are my children.

Yeah, I’m such a girl.

James received a NERF football in the mail today (he told me it was part of his birthday gift from me. I have learned to not buy him anything that isn’t “on the list.” He reminds me of Rachel Green [FRIENDS] that way. I have learned to “stick to the list” since he and I have been together. James isn’t any fun; he assumes that I want to know what it is that I’m receiving as a gift, even if I’ve told him that I prefer to receive a surprise gift). The football is one that glows when it is switched “on.” Tonight, he and I tossed the football around while in the back yard.

I am such a girl. I flinched each time James threw the ball perfectly to me. I moved when I should have stayed stationary… ¬†I preferred to just chase after the ball as opposed to catching it. Geez. SUCH A GIRL!¬†img_9308

“I ain’t ‘fraid of no ghost!”

I took the video showcased below; to display a wee bit of the odd behaviours that Mr. Whiskey and Princess Coco are showing. Now, everyone who knows me well, is aware of my being non-religious; that being said, I am spiritual.

So…I have explained this odd behaviour of Mr. Whiskey’s to James; he simply allows it to be heard, yet Jamie does not “get” what I am saying. Mr. Whiskey often behaves like this, but not too often for me to worry. He typically does it during the day; while James is at work, and I am doing my housework.

Most times, I am in the kitchen or laundry room when Mr. Whiskey acts like this. “This” refers to Whiskey following me around (more so than normally); it’s as if he is trying to make certain that I am safe. He stays RIGHT AGAINST ME (no exaggeration).

He will not let me stray from his field of vision; also, he is more vocal during these times. It is as if Whiskey is trying to tell me something. He looks at me, and he barks until I go see whatever / wherever something that isn’t “right” is. I comply with his wishes; but, never good enough for his satisfaction, for he refused to halt his erratic behaviour. ¬†Also, his barking is a little different in tone than it is other times.

I will follow him to the adjacent room, where Whiskey will look at me with a “MOM…do you not see that/hear that?” It is as if he¬†is trying to make me aware of something. I’ve come to the conclusion, that Mr. Whiskey is seeing/hearing something–more aptly, SOMEONE. So, I’ve talked to who I KNOW it to be for several months, now.

She has yet to respond to me in a way that I will recognize easily. I often say to her, “Hello, Dot (Jamie’s mother who passed away in 2003)….” as I explain what is that I am doing. I will explain that I love her home, and do not wish to make any differences that will cause her to feel as if I am “taking over” and “trying to make Jamie forget her.”

When I spoke to HUD about this several weeks ago; I also shared with him the occurrence that caused me to believe it is Dot. I was cleaning out the bottom of the pantry in our kitchen; of course, sitting on the kitchen tile as I was doing such. Mr. Whiskey, of course, was nearby. He began walking and sitting closer to me, as I was sitting in the floor.

Whiskey started quietly barking/growling in the direction of where the main entrance into the kitchen is. I did not think anything of it; assuming that he had heard something outdoors. The barking became more frequent and louder; along with the growling being more intense.¬†Of course, I was a little frightened…but, I continued to do what I had started, and try to get our pantry cleaned out.

Then, Whiskey started getting far more serious with his barking. He had his gaze LOCKED in the direction of the main entryway to the kitchen. He began sidling up against me (as if he were protecting me), and kept lowly growling and barking loudly. Having done this a few times prior; I quickly recognized that it was not anything negative at which Whiskey was barking, but he did not understand it.

I softly explained to Whiskey that it was “okay” and that who he was barking at is Jamie’s mom, Dot. I explained that she was probably wanting to make sure t I was not doing anything wrong or that she was not comfortable with; after all, we were in HER kitchen. I told Mr. Whiskey that she had every right to be here, and she was not going to hurt him. I even said a few things to her aloud. I thanked her for allowing me to use her kitchen and call it my own. I told her how grateful I was for all of her kitchen tools/gadgets.¬†This is when Whiskey started to accept the presence that he sensed–after I spoke, and wasn’t afraid of it.

When I told him; James¬†seemed to believe me; but I think it was more because he was afraid of being shamed into thinking I am silly. I asked James if he ever felt his Mom; and he strongly denied it. However,¬†I have felt her…and I had not ever met her before she passed. But, a woman can sense when another woman is in her home; making changes to it.

I’m not sure when that was whhen I felt her so strongly…but, I believe that she visited again, earlier today. It was brief…but, Whiskey is still refusing to leave my lap. It has been well over one hour…

I’ve taken video of how Mr. Whiskey behaved and in this clip The Princess is acting out of sorts, too…

Women are catty / I am enlightened

Which is why I have always gotten along so much better with males. When I shared my feelings with HUD about why I think the majority of the girl friends/wives of his guy friends hate me; HUD told me something akin to, “don’t worry about it, baby,”

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…and then proceeded to explain why he did not want to hear it; continually saying, “don’t allow that negative energy to make you feel bad” (or something like that). ¬†It’s a refreshing thing sometimes when I am reminded of his beautiful outlook on life; albeit, many times, after I have expressed how I feel about something such as this, he reminds me that he does not care about the outside world.

you and me

When I gripe about how something (in this case, females, treat me as if I am a person with some sort of contagious disease) upsets me, something “trivial,” that is, HUD expresses that all that concerns him, is the world he shares with me and the pups. That makes me feel special. I am his number one priority…after the priority he has to himself, of course. My happiness is what he strives to obtain. Still, it unnerves me when he is so indifferent about the things that are causing me to feel negatively. I know he cares about me and how I feel; it is infuriating to me when he deems the feeling(s) I have as one(s) that are able to be forgotten.

As I was saying, when I shared my feelings with HUD about how the majority of the females in his guy friends life treated me when we were spending time with a group of them last night; HUD dismissed it and told me that I should not allow the negative energy that they let out to affect me.¬†Honestly, I am not at all interested in being accepted into their “club.” Meaning, I do not want to be a typical female (like the females of this group of whom I speak are your ‘TYPICAL’ females).

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I feel as if I am shunned…it has always been this way with me and women. I’ve always had male friends because of this. HUD told me that I have always had guy friends because I am hot and the females are just jealous. THAT did not help me. At all. True, the majority of males who I have befriended, begin the friendship with me and they have different motives. BUT NOT ME! My motives are of the most pure and innocent intent.

I have a select few male friends who I ever had any romantic interest in; and the ones I did have romantic interest in, are happily committed to another person. I am happily committed to sharing my life with HUD; therefore I have not any sort of romantic/flirting interest with any other!  

I lost a great deal of self-confidence when I was recovering from the TBI. It is pretty much returned…until I’m around catty females. I mean, before, I was able to just take the attitudes with a grain of salt, and not allow it to affect me in any way. I would actually go out of my way to be nice to the female(s)…but, now that I am back to being “me” and I don’t allow my lack of self-confidence to show too much; for the most part, I am finding that females simply dislike me.

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So, perhaps, it is due to how I like myself…and I don’t care if others like me (at least I make it appear that way). I used to believe that women did not like me, because I was flirty with their man. I would not aim to flirt, but I accepted that my natural charm seemed flirty to them. I’ve come to the conclusion, that women just don’t like me.

stupid girls
Last night, while hanging out with friends of HUD’s; three other women were present. About six males were there,¬†three of whom are in a relationship/marriage three other women who were also there, and one other male who is engaged to a female who was not present. We will call that guy, ‘Stallone.’

Stallone’s fianc√©e and I are cool. She is very accepting of me; always is the first to go for a hug when we see the other. She is very REAL; I met her in person almost one year ago, and she added me on ‘Facebook’ the day after .

Stallone seemed to not want to associate with me…I’m guessing because his best friend’s wife has expressed her negative feelings about me. The first time I met Stallone; he was super friendly with me, and he always is when his fianc√©e is present. Stallone’s best friend is ‘Damien.’ Even Damien did not want to talk to me; he was keeping his distance. Damien and Stallone, both were incredibly friendly and chatty with me the first night I met the two men.

I spent all of last night, sitting next to Faye, and chatting with her. The other two women who were present, sat in chairs across the porch from Faye and me. Those women did not talk to us…I’m not saying that they ignored us; we 4 just did not associate much. ¬†It wasn’t purposeful, we four women just didn’t have anything to talk about last night; so we each chatted exclusively with¬†the woman¬†who we were originally sitting.

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The person’s house we were at last night (‘Faye’), is always incredibly “real” with me…she is friendly, and always happy to see me. She told me that she loved me before HUD and I left to go home last night. Faye said that I should come visit her during the day (while our other half’s are at work) sometime.

HUD and I were the last to leave for the evening; neither of the women who left said ‘good bye’ to me, but HUD was given a good bye. Faye hugged both HUD and me, inviting the two of us to come back over to see her and her husband. I am guessing that the reason Damien’s wife, “Victoria,” does not talk to me and gives me the ‘woman’s cold shoulder’ is because “Sherri’s” daughter hates me. Therefore, Sherri, is not at all accepting of me any longer. Although, I am not at all worried about Sherri failing to say goodbye; she was consoling her husband…whose mother had just been buried.

HUD tells me that if Sherri’s daughter has a problem with you…you can understand why Sherri isn’t as nice to you.” No. No, I cannot…HUD makes excuses for Sherri because they have a long friendship, and she has been a good friend to him for years (I understand, and am not aiming to make HUD choose “sides”). ¬†I do not tell HUD how I feel in an attempt to make him mad at Sherri. If Sherri’s daughter has an immature problem with me, because she is a teenager, I do not excuse Sherri for behaving the way she does with me now. We are adults; if Sherri dislikes me, she needs to talk to me about it–not use her daughter’s teenage woes as a passive-aggressive way to make me feel like an outcast!

But, I suppose I should speak to Sherri as opposed to writing in my blog. I haven’t a problem with talking to Sherri about my feelings…but, I do not wish to anger HUD. I know how much she means to him, and I do not ever want to try to make him choose…so, I decide to type my feelings out, instead of talking about them.

I just need to vent. I will probably be asked not to blog about this IF HUD does, in fact, read my blog. I have to get my feelings out. Else, I will hold them in, and express them in other ways…NEGATIVE ways.

oh, I am enlightened because I find that no matter what I do…the majority of women hate me. I could care less, really. And HUD is wrong about the reason males like me; I am flippin’ cool…and REAL.

Mommy/daughter time..

Mommy/daughter time..

A nice two days with my Mom were had this week. She and her oldest sister, visiting from several states away, met me at the water park in my hometown.

This is the same park that HUD worked at for so many years. Also, my best friend in high school, was a lifeguard there as well. I did not go to the Park very often, because I was always working; plus, any free time I had, I used to catch up on my sleep! For, when I was working in radio, the last thing I wanted to do was spend time in the town where I am finally proud from which to hail! Mom, my Aunt, and I spent the entire day together at the water park, Tuesday.

My Aunt had a good time; she was riding ALL of the water slides. Wanting to not have my Aunt wait in line and go alone; I, too, rode on each slide-multiple times! If my Aunt had not been there; I would have NEVER ridden the water slides so many different times. Like my mother, I would have contentedly float on something in the HUGE pool.

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My Aunt said: “We are going to get your Mom to ride slides with us in a bit.” I retorted something akin to; “Mom likes to float in the pool; she’s not gonna come ride slides with us.” My Aunt heard me, but she was not going to give up without a fight.

The park features a huge pool, water slides, a picnic area, plus pavilions and grills.

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views of the gigantic pool

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After my Aunt and I had ridden a particularly slow-moving slide, she said to me, “Your mom would like this,” while I gave her a look of disagreement; she said, “let’s go get her.” Begrudgingly, I accompanied my Aunt to fetch my mom, still convinced that Mom was NOT going to willingly leave her float so she could ride slides with us. ¬†My Aunt’s ability to simply request ONE TIME that her youngest sister ride slides with us; amazed me, when my mother did not even try to get out of it, and succumbed to her sister’s request so easily.

I recall thinking that this is how it must have been while the two were growing up…my Aunt asserting her wishes, not at all violently, with her having 6-7 years seniority on the youngest child of five others (my Mom). My Aunt didn’t need to assert her seniority to remind her little red headed sister, when the two were children, so, Aunt “Minkie” still need not remind my mother of her seniority. My mom has always respected and admired her oldest sister.

The three of us rode the slowest slides; my Aunt and I discovered that, depending on the side of the mat you sat; the speed in which you accelerated was affected. Mom also willingly rode the slower slides…

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Mom did not want to ride “The Sidewinder,” and we did not push her to do so. My Aunt Minkie has always been a “daredevil,” according to Mom. ¬†I actually rode this slide four separate times! I rode just one time with HUD the year before.

The three of us enjoyed our day…we had a waffle cone from the concession stand, when we sat down at one of the picnic tables to rest. We even went to the kiddie side of the pool and allowed the water that fills buckets, fall onto us…

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Aunt Minkie drove to where my grandmother is staying at the nursing home/rehabilitation center, and Mom came to HUD’s and my house to stay overnight. Mom was happy because she was able to spend time with her “grandchildren,” Mr. Whiskey and Princess Coco.¬†HUD bought dinner for us, and after dinner; the three of us sat outside on the front porch and drank a bit.

The next morning, Mom and I got into the pool that HUD purchased¬†not for the pups (LOL) with the dogs. HUD stayed home that day, but he allowed Mom and I some quality time together before I drove her back home that evening. HUD even said to Mom, “Come back and spend a few days; on a weekend. That surprised me, because he is very protective of his weekend times. When he said that, it proved to me that what he claims about “loving (my) Mom” is indeed, true. He told me that he was happy Mom was able to relax and enjoy herself…

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I was happy to have my Mommy stay with us. She had only spent the night with me on two nights while HUD was out-of-town. That was around one year ago! HUD knows just how much I have been missing my Mommy and needing to have her stay with me. Mom is always busy because she is taking care of my grandparents home, BOTH of my grandparents, and also her older brother. My Uncle helps her, but not nearly enough…so, Mom was very relaxed while staying at our house. Mom told me that she liked how I had decorated our home…and she was impressed with how great mine and Jamie’s bedroom turned out! That made me feel great.

All and all, it was an excellent middle of the week!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Recharge!

The following was shared via ‘Facebook’ (FB) by someone who belongs to a ‘sister group’ of one of the FB brain injury groups that I am a member.

“Brain Injury leaves our ‘battery’ damaged. Sometimes it takes a great charge and we have lots of energy for a while. Other times it takes no charge and we’re dragging, barely able to move.

Has (sic) nothing to do with motivation, (sic) has everything to do (with) mental & physical energy!”

Continue reading “Recharge!”