Of course that is his name!

I have worked for the supermarket for almost 2 years (July 3 will be two years since my first day at work—I was hired in Late June of 2018). A family has been patronizing the store since probably before I was hired. It is always a father, a mother and their adult son. The son is überly handsome…and he is very friendly—but not overly so.

His parents are never without him, and I’ve never seen him inside the store without, at least, his mom. I really enjoy chatting with the dad…we kid around with one another each time we see the other.

Today, as I was walking back into the building from gathering carts or something; the dad was in the line of sight where I was walking. I don’t recall what was said, but I stopped and chatted with him for a good 5 minutes, and I noticed that his son was sitting at the blood pressure machine in front of the pharmacy.

Dad had just stood up from getting his reading, and his son sat down. That’s when the dad and I began chit-chatting. He saw me and got a big smile on his face before telling me it was really good to see me (all this time, I was discreetly noticing his handsome son getting ready to have his blood pressure taken, and I was hoping that he would come over and join his dad’s and my conversation once the test finished).

As normal, his dad and I joked around and just had a pleasant conversation. At one point, something was said about his winning money and I jokingly said something about it being mine as well—it made much more sense at the time. Now, I don’t remember the details of our conversation. However, I do remember the dad hugging me before he began to walk away. It ended up that his son and I walked side-by-side when he was finished at the blood pressure machine.

Neither of us spoke to nor looked at the other. Now, I’m starting to understand why that could be. Maybe it is wishful thinking…

I had went to the back of the store; as I had cleaning duty, today… I was returning the trash bin to the back of the store. I was walking and I saw handsome man, again. Normally, I am the first to speak, but today, he said something to me, first. I walked over to the product, answered his question…he seemed to want to continue talking to me. He pointed out some apple juice, and asked if I had ever tried it.

I informed him that i had not, but I definitely would because it was made from my favorite Apple—Granny Smith. He noticed me that they were on sale 2 for $5. I responded by saying something about his nice way of pointing that out—as there were 2 bottles on the shelf, and I was sure that he was going to purchase them, so he was just mean for pointing it out tome. I said that was my favorite Apple and I always wondered why they never had a juice made with Granny Smith Apples.

I made my way back to the front of the store, and as I was walking away; I sensed that he was hoping to be able to keep me around a little longer. I told myself that to was imagining that sensation and got back to work.

Then, at another point, as I was walking to the office upstairs; I passed the family as they were in line, checking out. It was then that I said to the dada something about not forgetting his promise about the money…and kept walking. I didn’t dare look at his handsome son; because he makes me nervous…but a good sort of nervous.

The dad, and mom were making their way out the door; when for some reason, the son stopped and began chatting with me, again (this was the most that we had talked since I first met him—almost two years ago).

We talked about our ages (he asked how old i was and I pretended to be taken aback and told him that he should know not to ask a lady her age). It turns out, he is either 2 or 3 years my senior. I’m so stupid, when I found that out…I hugged him! lol I claimed that I assumed that I am his senior…and I sort of did think i was older than he is.

I don’t know how or why, but I told him that I was once on the radio in Birmingham and that I was also a morning-show producer for Rob and Shannon , and I was on air at both stations.

I got the impression that he is a devout Christian…and as he was going to meet his parents at the car, I asked what his name is. He said, “Chris, my name is Chris.” I said, “Of course it is. That is only my favorite male name.”

Okay, hopefully it won’t take 2 more years for him to ask me for my number, or even invite me to his church.

“I’ll take care of you, baby…”

I’m still me. I’ve been duped into believing that I am unable to “do this on my own.” Partly, because I have said that exact phrase…a few times–to the “man” who claims to be my best friend. He had me believing it, too (that he is my ‘best friend’).

Only, I’m finally completely clear in my head. If he was, in fact, my best friend; he would not choose to bring my most negative moments up when he fears that he is losing me.

He lost me years ago…I only let him back in because I was feeling as if I could not survive and live the way I had become accustomed to living, without his (monetary) influence.

He realizes this…yet, he brings up the most negative moments in which I entrusted him with my (current–at the time of sharing) feelings. He reminds me that I said those things about not believing I can do this alone (without him).

I was willing to be unhappy in my heart, simply because I knew that I could depend on him to take care of me–and to give me the things I wanted/needed. That is not at all the woman I said I was going to be…especially at 39 years old!

I was so scared…to be alone.

July 20, 2019