that is how I feel.
I was warned;
by you and people that know you for real.
I knew you would hurt me;
even if it was not intentionally.
on the pain she gave you.
I am hurting.
My heart physically aches.
Our competing hearts are senseless, if you “really care for me”
If that is true, why am I being treated so callously?
I have several people that are romantically interested in me.
You did not realize that I CHOOSE/CHOSE you.
Those people will show it now that you are gone.
Other people respected our relationship.
What I told you in the beginning that
YOU would be my final try, it is something I meant.
Thanks for forcing me to socialize again;
I now have friends.
I understand your hesitation.
The life you’ve led, not cowardice, will not allow you to trust your heart.
For once, it is I who is the person pleading for the other to let down the walls–to hide the armor and feel the salvation.
Putting your trust in me will not be a regret.
You are understandably nervous, but I believe you are ready to start.
I can and will help you find the way for your heart to completely reset.
“My heart is ever at your service.” – William Shakespeare
That is what he said.
I mistakenly took it as the end.
My heart had been alone for so long;
I unwillingly decided to give in.
By taking another’s advice;
I scared him.
I have now accepted that the probable end is a positive one.
I would like to honestly be your friend.
Because I truly want to feel that my wrong-doings are resolved;
I choose to trust what my spiritual advisor envisions.
It is seen that you are NOT the man with whom I should continue to be involved;
according to the views, the ways you behave are not completely your decisions.
By no means, does that allow your actions to be absolved;
instead, it is my feelings that are in need of revision.
The happiness we were starting to share was becoming expected;
frightened, I needed space for my head/heart to gather cognition.
Quickly, my feelings were accepted;
I listened to my internal decision.
Sharing that with you, caused me to be rejected;
regardless of what you said, I still have my suspicions.
However, circumstances seen are not a given;
my belief is correct, the future is able to be written.
When I am happy deep inside of myself; I want to go out and play the part.
Similarly, when I am conflicted within my core; my creativity flows.
I don’t write when there isn’t anything plaguing my brain…my feelings…my heart.
Maybe this is why I seek out the most complications; to fuel my creative productivity.
All artists are melancholy, that fact is well known; when sad or mad, the expression glows.
If I am happy, I desperately try to seek out my beautiful creative spirit for activity.
As of late, that is why my writing prospects seemed dim;
To write well, I need to feel jaded—instead of elated.
Even if I have not felt this strongly for another since my absolute best friend; I refuse to allow this man’s lack of action to make me feel so grim.
Maybe I am a masochist;
the fear of losing you is a sort of catalyst.
Only then do I begin to admit how I feel
to myself; I trust that it is real.
The pleasure of the pain;
is why I feel like I can write again.