only in MY head… – On my mind (again?)

Protected:

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

Why do I feel this way!? (WHAT)

So, I am officially a horrible human being. Things with Jamie have been very shaky as of late. And I feel that has a lot to do with the fact that I do not work. He claims that he has been on edge because of the way things are going at his job; his positionContinue reading “Why do I feel this way!? (WHAT)”

08.26.2013

My brain– yes, it is damaged. I think I would be better off somewhere (like a mental institution) I cannot hurt someone or hurt myself emotionally. Not insane– no, I’m just misunderstood. I think because I was fine in the beginning, it is believed that I now PURPOSELY hurt people. I love– yes, that isContinue reading “08.26.2013”

Things ALWAYS change

THIS WAS A ‘PROTECTED POST’ THAT ONLY MR. BIG AND I COULD ACCESS B/C WE BOTH HAVE THE PASSWORD…EVEN IF THERE ARE PHOTO’S, I AM MAKING THIS ‘PUBLIC’ BECAUSE I DON’T GIVE A FLIP WHO READS THIS AND KNOWS THE PEOPLE OF WHOM I TALK. MR. BIG…I AM NOT FRIGHTENED OF YOUR “THREATS”…THIS WEBSITE/BLOG ISContinue reading “Things ALWAYS change”

You are NOT going to be my Achilles Heel.

Foolish; that is how I feel. I was warned; by you and people that know you for real. I knew you would hurt me; even if it was not intentionally. Stuck; on the pain she gave you. —————- I am hurting. My heart physically aches. Our competing hearts are senseless, if you “really care forContinue reading “You are NOT going to be my Achilles Heel.”

5|14|00 (4Pooky)

NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE [not so] INNOCENT : ) I wrote this for Pooky almost 15 years ago…these words are so true for the newest (and FINAL romantic) heartache in my life. (Mr. Big) I will always love my best friend (from years ago), Pooky. Many of the things I say aboutContinue reading “5|14|00 (4Pooky)”

Protected: You know the feeling when you’re in…too deep? (Sweet–DMB)

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

Begin again?

I understand your hesitation. The life you’ve led, not cowardice, will not allow you to trust your heart. For once, it is I who is the person pleading for the other to let down the walls–to hide the armor and feel the salvation. Putting your trust in me will not be a regret. You are understandablyContinue reading “Begin again?”

Friends?

Friends; That is what he said. I mistakenly took it as the end. My heart had been alone for so long; I unwillingly decided to give in. By taking another’s advice; I scared him. I have now accepted that the probable end is a positive one. I would like to honestly be your friend.

Why?

Because I truly want to feel that my wrong-doings are resolved; I choose to trust what my spiritual advisor envisions. It is seen that you are NOT the man with whom I should continue to be involved; according to the views, the ways you behave are not completely your decisions. By no means, does thatContinue reading “Why?”