I’m so sorry. Im sorry I thought you would grow out of your frustration. Im sorry I thought you would learn better coping skills. Im sorry that I was frightened and unsure of how to react when you were in that home. Im sorry I ever let our bond be “forgotten” by distance, time, or my anger w/ our Dad. Im also sorry I never told you how grateful I am to have you as the big brother.Im sorry I didn’t call you a couple of wks before you took your body from us. Maybe I could have helped you find a better way out. Im sorry you’ll never know how much I love you, or how angry I am w/ you right now.
my ritual for Jerry
We will be outside, sun shining, standing close. Very few people will attend, only b/c you feel self conscious, not b/c you are not loved.
We connected b/c we understood one another. We needed each other.
We would laugh @ breakfast, giggle @ bedtime. Watch “Robin Hood: Men In Tights” and laugh until our sides ached.
1) Jerry showed me what having a big brother is like.
2) Jerry showed me that ppl can see your inner being and love you all the same.
3) Jerry crushed me by leaving us.
4) Jerry angered me by giving up.
confusing, scary, guilty, angry, continuous, questioning, numb, cold, thoughtful, stinging, achy(sic), regretful
death is the unknown.
the questioning. death is bitter cold. numbing pain. frightening visions and inescapable thoughts.
life’s temperature is hot.
I guess you finally stopped believing
would ever find you.
(‘Tony’’ – Patti Griffin)