I am a wonderful Mommy to my ‘kids’…

I am a wonderful Mommy to my ‘kids’…

Yesterday, when I finally decided to get my butt out of the bed to start my day; it was after 10:00 AM.  Gratefully, HUD understands my need for sleep and he does not fault me for it. My brain becomes a lot more TIRED, and less able to handle “simple” tasks in the same manner most other folks brains’ are. When I am mentally tired; it causes me to become physically tired…SLEEP is the only way for me to handle many everyday tasks.

So, after I got out of bed around 10AM; I went to the restroom,l. Afterwards, I immediately let the Princess and Mr. Whiskey outside of the back door, so that they could do their business first thing in the morning.

It was a little chilly outside, so I stood in the kitchen and watched the pups for a moment before going to get a ‘Greenie’ out of the container farthest from the door.  The screen door had yet to firmly close, so when the pups were finished; they both trotted inside and looked at me with pleading eyes, as if to say, “We went to potty outside, Mommy; can we have our ‘Greenie,’ now?


Prepared for this moment, I had already taken two treats from the jar and hid them in my hands. Normally, I will pet the baby’s and commend them on a job well done before giving them their morning treat. This Tuesday morning, I failed to do that. Instead of patting their little heads and rubbing their chests prior to giving them the thing they look forward to most every morning; I barely looked at either of them, and I quickly patted them on the head as I gave them a morning treat.

Mr. Whiskey always takes his treats to the adjacent room and eats the treat on the rug in front of the door that leads to the basement; the Princess Coco goes the opposite direction, and enjoys her treat on their “puppy bed” in the family dining room.  I continued doing whatever it was that I was doing (I really do not recall what that was…read on, and you will understand that my feelings do not allow me to be able to recall such trivial things); I heard the pups gnawing on their treats…then, I realized how distant I had been with my baby’s, and decided I should show the two of them love.

I proceeded to call for Princess Coco and Mr. Whiskey…Coco appeared from the puppy bed in the kitchen, with her tail wagging.  I happily accepted her into my arms rubbed her precious little head, continuing to pet the rest of her body. I called for her brother; normally, I can hear when one of the dogs is moving because the tags attached to their collars jingle.  HUD and I had taken off their collars, because Mr. Whiskey’s skin at the base of his neck is seemingly becoming agitated with the rubber (glow-in-the-dark) piece that I have covering his ID tag. So, we decided to take off both of the pups collar’s to test this theory.

That beautiful Tuesday morning, I was annoyed with myself for failing to “re-dress” Coco and Whiskey before releasing them from the inside of the house so they could go potty. I walked through our home and called for Whiskey; Coco would simply look at me with pure innocence in her eyes/on her face. I did not hear any thing that typically alerts me to Whiskey’s whereabouts…so, I re-traced my steps, and called for him again.

Still, nothing.
 The Princess was following me around, and I would show her by that I adore her by petting her head and vocalizing that I loved her. I continued to call for Mr. Whiskey, to no avail! This is when I started getting more serious with my tone of voice; he usually responds almost instantaneously if I make my tone sound more harsh than it already does due to my speech impediment. I even asked Coco where her brother was…

I then began to doubt myself…I wondered if I had let Whiskey back go outside, but completely forgot about doing so when I closed the doors. Coco kept looking up at me, because she was able to sense that something was wrong. I walked through our house, again…only this time, I left the doors open to all of the rooms where the doors were originally closed. I thought that maybe Mr. Whiskey had wandered into one of the rooms; but what was mind-boggling is that he did not exit a room when I called for him. He always does that or he is very good about at least making some sort of racket to let me know where he is.

By this time (approximately 7 minutes), I was beginning to worry…I quickly talked myself out of that worrisome thought process, and realized that Whiskey was just hiding somewhere, and that I would find him soon. Princess Coco was at my feet, looking at me, and wagging her tail happily. I thought, “Okay, if Coco isn’t worried…maybe I should not be either.” I thought that because dogs have special senses. If something were wrong with Whiskey, I had no doubt that Coco would sense it.

I walked outside onto our back deck, and called for Whiskey. He did not come, so as I went into the house; I left the screen door ajar so he would be able to come back inside when he was ready. From the back of the house, I continued to walk toward the front of our home, and onto our front porch where I continued calling for Whiskey. I still received absolutely no sign of his whereabouts…I began to worry again.

Walking back outside on the back deck, Princess Coco followed me…I stood outside on our deck and called for Whiskey. Coco was trying to leave the back deck and go out into the yard…I promptly told her to “get into the house” because I could not be sans TWO baby’s! My quest to locate Mr. Whiskey continued as I more thoroughly searched the nooks and crannies of the inside of our home. I even started looking in closets and beneath beds.

As I was making my journey through the house, I kept beating myself up for losing him. I began thinking about how my Mom and Jeff were going to be disappointed that I lost my son by “misplacing” him. I was considering our friend, Monica’s take on the ordeal, and how she would be sympathetic, my thoughts roamed to my friends, Lori, Justin, Dustin, and Desi and how I was certain they would forgive my lack of brain, too.

Then the thought of my best friend in high school, Kristina, popped into my head because “Please forgive my lack of brain” is something that Winnie-The-Pooh says…I started thinking of the stupid doctors releasing me and how idiotic they would feel because I HAVE BRAIN DAMAGE; I should not be entrusted to the care of pets…OR humans, for that matter.

I thought of how HUD would not understand the magnitude of my being able to care for another living thing, but he would try his best to comfort me as opposed to getting angry with me. I then began to wish that he loved Whiskey the way he loves Coco; maybe then he would understand my probability of losing my mind if Mr. Whiskey were to disappear. I finally decided to let HUD know that I had lost our son, AGAIN.  I attempted to call him, but because he was at work, the line was busy.

All of these thoughts are racing through my (injured) brain, as I am systematically moving from the inside of our home, to the back porch, to the front porch…and I am PLEADING with Whiskey to “please come home now!” I kept picking up Princess Coco and loving her as she continually tried to go outside and to the right of the exit off of our back deck. I kept forcing her to go back indoors, and she would look at me with a “but…MOM” gaze.


I started thinking of how distraught Coco would be when she realized her brother was missing. Being the negative person I am, I began to prepare myself for dealing with losing her, too…because she would definitely die (it is common with animals as well as people) if Whiskey were ever gone. This is when I text HUD that I had lost Whiskey…again. I sent him a text at 10:16…”I lost Whiskey.” Five minutes later, HUD sent me a question mark.

Finally, I decided that Mr. Whiskey may hear me jingle the treats in their treat container, and perhaps THAT would cause his return. So, I picked up one of the containers that has treats in it, and walked out onto our back deck. I’m pretty sure I made Coco stay inside, and as I retreated the dining room and began walking on the back deck; I was shaking the container of treats in hopes that Mr. Whiskey would hear it and come running.

No sooner than I had walked to the end of the deck, and about to step onto the stairs…I turned my head to the right, and I saw Whiskey running toward me with a “smile” on his face and his tongue hanging out as he was wagging his tail.

This is not a photo of either of my baby’s; I think this picture is cute.

My heart suddenly felt so much lighter and the knot in my stomach had that was clenched, finally unraveled.

What felt like 45 minutes, was probably 15 minutes…but, I responded to HUD’s text message, 3 minutes after he sent me a text with a “?;”saying that Whiskey FINALLY came home. HUD called me and I explained the whole ordeal…and how scared I was. I did not know what I expected him to do from an hour away when I sent him the initial text…but I said I felt that he deserved to know I had lost our son-AGAIN.

Princess Coco had been TRYING to tell me where her brother was when she was trying to walk off of the deck and to the right…but, I would not “listen;” instead I kept instructing Coco to get back indoors. I am a wonderful Mommy to my ‘kids’… that is, when I do not lose them.

Things are different; but the same.

Yesterday was Easter Sunday; I was given two Easter baskets. Albeit, I have to SHARE the basket that Mom made for “me” with my “husband,” because she put our things into a single basket. He and I both grew up as only children…amazingly, I don’t mind sharing with him.

Nana and Brandy Easter 2016 PHOTOSHOPPED

I spent the day at my Nana’s. My partner followed, and went home early so he could do some work for his company. When the pups and I went back home later in the evening; I was pleased to see that my love had also been working in the yard. He tells me that he is cleaning up our yard, so I will have a nicer place to call ‘home.’ That makes me feel nice, because before I moved in about one year ago, he didn’t care about keeping the yard looking nice.

My grandparents, mom, her 2 older brothers and my uncle’s new wife were at our family gathering as well. I invited my “in-laws;” they were not able to attend because ‘Dad’ is still recovering from having surgery on his eye. At Nana’s, we had a yummy lunch prepared by my Uncles and Mom. It is a little sad that the rest of the family does not even call my aging/in poor health Nana on holidays.  Nana’s other two daughters, 2 grandchildren, 6 great-grandchildren, and one grandchild and spouse; I understand the families all have their own family, but it upsets me that they have each seemingly forgotten that their grandmother exists! I realize the majority of them are living far away…but they should call her or FT me so they can see her! It was a good day, nonetheless.

Our friend visited our house that night. It was nice to have her over, again; she stayed for around 3 hours…HUD told me to take Mr. Whiskey to the vet and have the small rash on his neck looked at, and also have our Vet look at the Princess Coco to make sure her skin is okay. HUD is so cute about the ways in which he worries about the baby’s!
3.28.2016 Coco and WhiskeyWhen I spoke to HUD earlier, he inquired about the rash on Mr. Whiskey appearing better or worse. I am more liable to believe that he does, in fact, love Mr. Whiskey and it is merely a different way than he loves Princess Coco. I get offended/”mad” that he seemingly treats the Princess with more love and care…I finally understand what he has been telling me for over one year–he honestly does love Whiskey, but in a “different way.”
This morning, I had also been searching for an outside play pen for the pups to put in the yard over the summer, so the pups can play outside, until we get our fence built…I sent the link to HUD, and he said something about purchasing a larger one than a $60-70 one I found online…I said I would love to do that; HUD told me he would help me search for one when he got home this evening. The pups have also stolen his heart…*sigh*

March 28 2016 front yard

Excuses, excuses.

Sure, I deserve to be able to “make excuses” for not wishing to follow through with my plans–I don’t plan on being “too tired” to do something. I have issues…people fail to understand that about me, many times. It is probably because I “look fine” on the outside. Plus, I always made it a point to let others know that I may be a bit different in the way I speak, move, and recall things; but, I am still ME. I did not want to be given special privileges because I am brain damaged. Eventually, people began to not give me “special treatment,” and then I decided no one cared about my being a TBI victim. I’m such a fan of irony…

thumb (1).jpg Continue reading “Excuses, excuses.”

My thoughts for the night consist mostly of this…

“What’s on my mind” today…

Even when I was engaged and planned to marry Yankee…I STILL thought of an old boyfriend in particular–A LOT. But, it was not because I was missing the old boyfriend; rather, I was missing my former self–ME.

The following song reminded me of the boyfriend previously mentioned. The song was released in 2011…eight years later, I was still missing the “old me.” THIS is how I thought it would be if (hopefully  WHEN) we saw one another again…I had yet to become cognizant of the fact that it was not HIM I was missing so badly, rather, it was the person I was when I loved him.

The song below, brings to mind a KID I had a short romance with…I would sometimes think of him, only because he claimed that this was “his” song. After listening to the  words again…it reminds me of the man I love, and what he has more or less said to me…

The song in the video below, made me think of a more recent BOY (even if his age claims he is a man) I dated…

This one reminds me of my current relationship…only, I am the one who got the man. 🙂 And, I am happy to say that I don’t think of my former relationships…it is like, I’ll see something or hear something that reminds me of a former flame, but instead of the thought of him taking over my mind…it passes through my brain quickly. I usually look at my lovely man and tell him how absolutely gorgeous he is/how happy I am that he is in my life.





…but he’s peeing EVERYWHERE!

Mr. Whiskey has an appointment in 3 weeks to get neutered.  I have been adamantly against this; despite several veterinarians at different offices recommendations for (more like their urging) me to have him neutered.  All of these people who are trained in the field of animals, seemed to be “worry warts” to me. Each of the vets, the corresponding veterinary assistants, AND my own Internet research backed up the claims of these educated folks.

Still, I kept imagining that Mr. Whiskey would miss his “jewels,” and besides, I wanted him to be able to impregnate a female dog.  After all, I wanted my Mom to be able to have one of his pups.

Whiskey is the best pup; not very many folks understand him. See, he is picky about who he loves; he also takes his time before he shows love to someone.  His Grammy (my mom), Nana, me…and our friends; Aubrey, Beth and Rae are the folks he loves, and it is very obvious with how he reacts to any of us. Plus, we are all female.

It has taken Whiskey almost a whole year to “warm up” to HUD. The Princess (Coco) is very loving, especially with men.

So, naturally, the Princess is the pup everyone loves and seems to prefer (men normally LOVE Coco) . However, the people who seem to ‘understand’ Whiskey are all female (again, that is Mom, Nana, Aubrey, Beth, Rae, and me).


HUD claims to love Whiskey…he says he loves him just as he loves Coco, but that they have a different relationship. I don’t think HUD tries hard enough to gain Whiskey’s love. Although, I will admit that HUD is trying to get closer to Mr. Whiskey lately…but, HUD is so “fed up” with Mr. Whiskey consistently marking “his” territory.


As I mentioned previously; Mr. Whiskey is beginning to grow quite fond of HUD. In fact, I will walk into the living room and Whiskey is all cuddled up next to HUD if he isn’t sitting in his lap.  It makes my heart swell with happiness when I see that. But, Whiskey is an in-tact male.img_3925

And according to several websites where I have researched the reason he is “marking his territory” inside of our home, when another male dog is no where near our home; is because HUD is another male who lives inside of the house. Whiskey is simply trying to signify that HE is the alpha male.

Coco and Whiskey 02.11.16

Whiskey is very protective of me; he feels as if I am his. For example, if HUD is hugging me or kissing me, Whiskey grunts and/or walks over to us and”nudges” me with his nose &/or paw until I give the pup attention. Princess Coco reacts the same way if I am sitting close to HUD on the love-seat (she thinks HUD is hers…still, she loves me).

Coco will stop what she is doing (even if it is across the room), and prance over to where HUD and I are sitting (usually carrying a toy in her mouth); if we are holding hands, she then  nudges our hands apart and she always ‘plops’ right in between the two of us. It is as if she is telling me, “HE IS MY BOYFRIEND! You better recognize!”  It is actually quite endearing. We have to sneak and hold hands so she won’t nudge our hands apart!

Coco sitting between us

But…Whiskey is feeling threatened by HUD. Threatened because HUD is male…so, Whiskey “marks” his territory in our home. HUD & I plan to remodel, but HUD will not begin remodeling until Mr. Whiskey stops peeing in our home. Whiskey does not use the designated potty pad very often, yet Coco will.

Coco 02.10.16

Mr. Whiskey is getting progressively worse with peeing in our home.  I clean it with an enzymatic cleaner; so he is less likely to mark the same areas. But, it does not seem to be helping.  For instance, today I was out, and the babies were kept in our kitchen for around 3 hours.

When I come home; the first thing I always do is take the pups out to potty.  I noticed 2 places that Whiskey had peed…one was a place where he is always peeing, and the other was completely brand new! 

I did not tell HUD that Whiskey had done this (and it must be him, because the Princess will hold it or go to the potty pad if she must). We have a very nice/expensive surround sound system in our living room, and I do not leave the pups to roam, because I don’t want Whiskey “marking” the floor standing speakers…


Mid-morning today, I made Mr. Whiskey an appointment to get neutered. Mom and I were wanting him to be able to father a litter…that way my Mom could keep one of his pups.  This is not going to be feasible for quite some time for my Mom. So, I decided to get him neutered before HUD throws him out.

See, if Whiskey goes, so will I. And I will take Princess Coco, too. I’ve raised them since they were 6 weeks old. Whiskey and I connected before he even had his eyes open! Not to mention that he has been there with me through many changes in my life…he and Coco sat in my lap and slept while I was finishing my course work to earn my Bachelors Degree in Communications.

I completely  understand HUD’s being unwilling to put up with dog pee in our home…I mean, he is going to be remodeling the house, soon. But, at the same time, I feel a bit pissed that HUD could/would “kick him out.”

I was there for as Whiskey and Coco were growing up, and when they were still able to fit lying down in my hand.

puppy Coco 2013

I set my alarm for every 2 hours to potty train them. wpid-IMAG0319.jpg

And when I cry…Whiskey will get in my face and LICK away the tears.

My brain doctors actually “prescribed” them for me years ago.


Whiskey 4

But, having Mr. Whiskey’s “jewels” cut is not only responsible, but a healthy decision.  I just pray that this works so he will no longer feel the need to “mark his territory.” I have never understood when someone chooses their dog over a person…now I “get it.”  Contrary to what HUD says about my loving the dogs more than I love him (like he claims to love BOTH of the pups); it is a different strain of love. I can’t imagine ever purposely living without them.

They are both so loving and comforting to me when I feel depressed.

I also cannot fathom ever living without HUD on purpose either. These animals are “my kids.” Whiskey has helped me through so many difficult times. He (and Coco) has (have) been with me through all sorts of relationships mistakes…because of me, these babies have had to live in 4 or 5 different places (and they are only 4 years old)!
Coco and Whiskey with me morningtime