“Dreaming With My Eyes Wide Open”

I rarely remember my dreams; although I once was able to recall at least one the next morning. I could remember with lucidity the one or two that garnered the most feelings—I would recollect the smells, details about the sights, and more importantly how I would feel in the delusion.

This morning; I awoke suddenly, reaching for Hud. Also, we allowed our pups to sleep in the bed with us the night before—so, I pulled them closer to me (their presence is a ‘calming mechanism’ for me; as Hud shared with my neuro-psychologist). I asked Hud to come closer and hold me.

The somewhat disturbing dream, was about our little family living in a house in which my good friend, Stephe-O, resided when we were in high school. The house is a couple of miles down the road from the home I share with Hud.
In said dream, apparently a large storm had occurred, because I was standing in the area where the house had stood.

There was a crowd of people also gathered there. I walked up, confused to what had happened to “our house.” I alarmingly/inquisitively asked aloud to whoever would answer, as to where the house was. The reply I got was from a man, whom I failed to recognize, but was positive that he was someone I knew. His response was a shocking one, because he matter-of-factly said: “Yeah, it (I inferred that ‘it’ was a tornado) got your house, too.”

I looked at my unknown friend with bewilderment, for I did not understand what he meant by “too;” I responded with a look of supreme confusion. This is when he informed me that it had taken me, as well. He said, “You passed, dont’cha know?”
I looked at him with a shocked look of sheer surprise. The first thing I said to him was, “Oh, no…I didn’t know. *gasp* I wonder what is going to happen to ‘Hud!’…my confusion continued, as I proclaimed, “I wonder if we ever got married!”
Then, I awoke.

As I previously stated, I immediately began searching for my pups. Mr. Whiskey, of course, was cuddled up next to my tummy, and laying in the crook of my legs, because I was sleeping in a near fetal position. Princess Coco was lying with Hud, as he was facing me, and I was lying facing the wall—with my back to him. After requesting that the Princess lay with me; I pulled Mr. Whiskey closer to my chest, and held them both there. I also asked Hud to hold me, and said that I had a bad dream.
I was a bit disturbed by the dream; prior to this one, I had never had a dream about my being dead. I shared this with my partner in life; he was not-at-all-freaked out by my strange dream. I then tried (unsuccessfully) to go back to sleep. I could not get the thoughts out of my head…I was trying to remember what it means when you dream that you are dead…I could not recall for the life of me (pun intended). I regretfully got out of bed, visited the bathroom, and then let the baby’s go outside to do their business. I made myself a cup of coffee, and we all went to sit outside on the front porch with Hud.

I was still shocked by my dream, and I shared more details with Hud about it as we sat outside and held the dogs. I told him how I was relieved that the pups were in the bed with us that morning because the dream was very uncomfortable. I told him that the thought of death fascinated me…but not in a morbid way. I said that this dream is the first time I’ve EVER thought of the man I was dating before I considered my own mother. Normally, I would have worried about how my Mom took that news of my death and not even considered the man I was currently dating/engaged to be married.

The dream about my death could have been brought on by the fact that I had re-posted a photo on my Facebook Timeline that said something about wanting someone to play “pop goes the weasel” at a closed casket funeral…and have the people in attendance stand-by in horrified anticipation. I had commented to the friend that I shared the post from, something about the idea of death always fascinated me, but not in a creepy, or morbid way.

Secondly, I recall thinking about my friend, Stephe-O and how he once lived in the home I had dreamed about. Hud and I had again been discussing our getting married to one another earlier the same evening. The dream was rather disturbing…mostly because I was left to wonder if Hud and I ever married one another prior to my death.
I looked up what on several websites what it really means when you have a dream and you are dead…below are the results:
• indicates a transitional phase in your life
• you are becoming more enlightened or spiritual
• it can symbolize that something has died within the self, or it can symbolize a new chapter or a new beginning in your life.
• it might also be a dream telling you to leave all of your cares behind, and start anew.

Although I have been in numerous transitional phases in my life, especially recently—I’ve moved 1000 miles away from home, I was engaged to be married, my close relationship with my Mom was estranged for several years; I have also lived 2 hours away from my family, in a confusing situation. But these times (along with a few others), I never once had a dream about my death.

The possibilities above are ones that make sense to me, the final one listed more so than others. Hud does not believe in meanings to dreams. However, I do believe that the dreams, in which you remember, DO mean something. It is your subconscious feelings that you are being instructed to pay attention. 

The fact that I thought of Hud’s emotional state about my death and not my Mom’s (which I ALWAYS consider her feelings first), allows me to understand that this relationship is a true partnership and one that is highlighted with both of us feeling admiration and love for the other. Hud has shown me what REAL (non-familial) love is…

I believe that last night/this morning’s dream stuck out so vividly because of the thoughts and events that I had had the same night; along with the now very common discussion of our marriage that I had with Hud. It helps to write things down, especially when I am able to recall a dream…and with such lucidity.

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