NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE [not so] INNOCENT : )
I wrote this for Pooky almost 15 years ago…these words are so true for the newest (and FINAL romantic) heartache in my life. (Mr. Big) I will always love my best friend (from years ago), Pooky.
Many of the things I say about myself in the accompanying poem. I’ve put an asterisk beside what I think describes Mr. Big instead of myself; now that I have (FINALLY) outgrown those things.
you’re scared of falling, fearful of hurting;* are you really in so deep?
your expectations of me probably won’t turn out to be the girl you will eventually see.
She has an evilness about her, a coldness inside her, and an emptyness (sic) deep within. (this is both Mr. Big and me)
The hurt that burdens her soul will be the reason she takes your heart in her hands and twists & twists until it finally breaks. *
She’s angry and resentful.*
Completely vulnerable and scared to trust. *
She will bury herself deep inside your soul; only to escape without your knowledge.
All that will be left are her imprints on your heart, the memories in your mind, and her silhouette behind your eyes.
Her intentions are good, but isn’t that always the case? *
She’s horrified of the word ‘love’ *; not knowing if she’s ever been or if she will ever learn how.
Her presence will never be far from your thoughts as she slowly fades away into her own private place.
She has to leave before you have the chance to abandon her.
I want to be in love.
Can I ever fall so deep?
Give myself wholly and only to you; will I ever be able to?
Be patient with my indecisiveness.
Love me, console me.
Lose yourself in my eyes; my touch; our song.
Put me together,
Because I’ve fallen completely apart.
Who am I?
Will you help me decide?
Don’t pressure me, please fall for me.
I’ll only hurt you, it’s all I know (how) to do.
I don’t know how to explain my feelings for you.