6/12/00

I haven’t spoken to you all day! Not even online. Why is this making me crazy? Reality tells me that you are busy moving and such, but my heart is really and truly aching! I know that sounds ridiculous. It was only yesterday when I kissed you as you hurried off to work—Oh how I wanted to be there, waiting, when you came home. Now I’ll settle for anything, I’d much rather hear your voice, but hell, even an e-mail will satisfy me. This is why I didn’t want you and I (sic) to start leaning more to a serious relationship…b/c if I can’t handle not talking to you for a day w/out going nutso, what will I do when our time apart is prolonged? See, I’m all paranoid now! I have all this crazy shit running around in my head. I start thinking that you’ve decided that I’m not the one for you or that I’ve just annoyed you so much, or that perhaps I read too much into what we are. Dammit! I know what my f’ing problem is. I’m really starting to fall for you, and so all my insecurities are present. I feel vulnerable.