jus’ thinkin…

’bout school…I am frightened to graduate college. School has been my career for so long…

’bout friends…should it surprise me that EVERYONE has matured? Here I am, retarded (the true definition of the word is meant AND not the “negative” connotation that is normally associated with the word) in what I have achieved, comparatively.

’bout home…the south is my home. I will need to venture out again in order to make something of myself and only then should I live back in Bama.

’bout relationships (of all kinds)…friendships are null and void; romance is null and void; familial relationships are showing promise again; professional relationships are semi-positive.

I think I am lonely. I want friends. Friends to hang out with. But I cannot do that until I graduate college (December 17, 2012), because as mentioned in a prior post; I MUST concentrate on one thing at a time.

Scorpio horoscope for January 12, 2012

So…my horoscope for today is giving me the advice of not worrying so much about my MATERIAL things…I read it to mean; if I just “play nice” with Artie, the possessions will come to me.

Scorpio–January 12, 2012
“People often say ‘money talks’. The truth is, for most of us it says ‘goodbye.’ Is an increase in your material wealth likely to solve a particular issue? Perhaps it would, but not nearly in ways as fulfilling as material wealth would be if it were a by-product of something greater. An opportunity exists for you to become more fulfilled whilst, at the same time increasing your levels of comfort.
Let the material gain be the less important part of your task and you will achieve it more easily.”

Brandy loves Whiskey.

It is amazing. All of my life I have had people with dogs try to convince me that pups are better pets to have than cats are. Over the years, I have loved my share of dogs, but I always had a special place in my heart for kitty’s. That is still true, I will always love cats…although, I am far more apt to open my heart to dogs, now. This is all due to Whiskey.

Whiskey is the puppy who lives with me (I hate referring to an animal as a ‘pet’…I believe in equality for every living thing and I don’t think it is “right” to think you OWN some other living being. Although, I do find myself yielding to the common words of saying “my dog…my pet, etc…” only to feel **INSERT WORD HERE** [to say one thing but do the opposite]).

I understand why people love dogs so much now that I have Whiskey and Coco living with me. It is as if they sense when a person (me) is not feeling good…especially emotionally. I was feeling very down the other night; Whiskey and Coco saw the sadness in my eyes and the tears running down my cheeks when I bent down to be close to them to say ‘good night.’ They both semi-awoke and then really woke up when they realized how sad I was. The both of them started licking my face (something that they don’t do often–at least not as much as they did at this time), I picked them up and they both went crazy just licking me…

I have always tried to prepare myself for the worst BEFORE it happens, so I’ve already prepared myself for their deaths and how I am going to cope. Sounds wicked, but I have always done this. Mom tells me that I must get that from her because she does the same thing. I find it easier to have prepared myself for something bad than to have it take me by surprise. Artie always scolded me for such a thing. The silly thing is, that I prepared myself for the ending of our relationship so I could handle it better if, in fact, it were to happen. He was angry at me when I was calmly accepting his breaking off the engagement…I had been preparing myself for just that thing for months prior. I tried to hold on to “us,” but I was refusing to continue fighting for us.

Anyway, back to my love for Whiskey…and Coco. I understand now why people are so crazy about dogs. I have NEVER been a morning person, but I wake up every morning…excited to walk into the room they sleep, because I know that they are going to be so happy to see me. The two of them wag their little tails and look up at me with a plea in their eyes that says: “Pick me up! I’m so happy to see you!” I still LOVE cats…but these puppies (yes, Coco is Mom’s puppy…and Coco knows that but I still love her the same way I love Whiskey) have special places in my heart.