Isn’t it funny how we never see what is right in front of our face and instead allow self-doubts to make a “home” in our brain? Every person relies on others to give them validation that something is true–even if some people rely on the validation of other people more than others do; we all need to be validated.

It amazes me that our own self-doubts can cause us to see things in the opposite way that they really are. This is mostly true of southern people from the United States. And those people are normally southern women.

People in New England are seen as ‘brash’…people on the west coast are seen as artistically ditzy. I have been to the East and West coast, and I believe that southern women could stand to learn a thing or two from New Englander’s and “surfer types.”

But, I also believe those coasts could stand to learn a lot from the ways of southerners…

“Love is just for those who need – somethin’ to believe.” (“Believe”-Five Easy Pieces)

I fall out of love long before the proper ending of the relationship. I find it easier to deal with the finalization of things internally. But, I refuse to give up easily. With relationships of any kind, I will say FLAT OUT what we both need to change. It is always met with understanding and the willingness to change with me.

The other person works on it for a short period and I work on it for longer…thinking (and voicing) that the other person is going to realize that they are not keeping up their end of the deal. I stick in the relationship until it has taken the last, crackling, smokers-cough breath and almost always, it is me who lets the other person know that they are faltering on what they agreed to do for our relationship. So, I am the one to finally and often regretfully end things.

Why is it that we (“we” being women, especially ones from the south) are afraid to be happy? Sure, we tell others we are happy and we may even put on a “game face.” But inside, there is always something missing.

The feeling of failure is a proponent of the decision. We may feel as if we failed at a relationship because the other person did not do their part. Relationships of any kind are between two people (yes, you can have a relationship with yourself–but that is not truly a relationship and it is far too complicated for me to explain here). So, women (especially southern women) are more likely to stay in a relationship even if it is one that brings them complete unhappiness. “The pleasure of the pain.” (“Back 2 Good”-Matchbox Twenty)

“Sometimes knowing burns…”

Is it possible to feel as if you have lost something before you have ever gained it? The way that a person believes how things will be if only they had that one chance to be with whomever they choose is a feeling that may be somewhat overly positive in the dream that is made up in their head.

If that person chooses to share those feelings with the one that always seemed “out of reach” to them (lets give them names to make it simpler to follow: Ollie has always had feelings for Tonya). Ollie shares the feelings he has always had for Tonya with her; when she reciprocates those feelings, it would seem that Ollie would be ecstatic about his “luck.” Instead, Ollie chooses to play the silly mind games that teenagers play after the initial excitement of the possibility of having Tonya in his life has ended.

Tonya is devastated. Although, Ollie could be busy with work/social obligations…perhaps Tonya is being a typical girl and taking it to heart that Ollie does not contact her. That is normally the way it goes…female minds tend to over-dramatize things and believe that they have lost something that could be great before it is even gained.

—————-

Virgos Merlot–“Gain”

So many times I should have stayed
You’ve got it and you don’t know what it is

Would you gain
Time after time it’s the same old wrong

I’m bothered by the fact
You cannot take it back
It goes on record and
Multiplies at that
I’ve gotta break it down
To it’s smallest part
Put it back together
And call it art

Is there such a thing as “free will?”

It does not matter what you know; it especially doesn’t matter what you think you know. Life is ever-changing. The ability to change your mind instantaneously is not one that only superhero’s have.   Anyone can say one thing and suddenly change their minds milliseconds later.

While you believe that you have things figured out or that you to know what to expect from that person before they are even aware of it themselves; free will enables that person to change their thoughts/actions. The beauty of free-will is also the thing that keeps your own free will caged. See, whether we want to admit it or not, “free will” is a relative term, because everything we say and do is dependent on the free will of another. We are all connected.

For example, my free will would allow me to decide go to a movie tomorrow night and you are the one who always drives me to the theater because I do not drive. Your free will is what makes you decide to go to a romantic dinner instead of taking me to the movies. See, your free will affected my free will.

Let’s throw in another variable and say that your decision to go to a romantic dinner affects my decision to go to a movie, but your boss’ free will helps her make the decision to have you work late that same night. So, my free will to decide to go to a movie was affected by your decision to not take me to a movie and instead go on a romantic date. Your own free will to go on a date was influenced by your boss’ free will to cause you to work late at the office and instead cancel your date.

What I am saying is that we may have the free will to do something, but everyone’s free will depends on another’s free will; and that consequently displays a person to have no free will at all. Each one of us is connected; whatever minor, seemingly insignificant thing someone else decides is going to affect you (even if it is not immediate)…get use to it.